Somewhere between the idea of “my truth” and “absolute truth” (at least from someone’s perspective) lies a way of looking at the world that has the potential to bring both ways of looking at the world together where “my truth” can live successfully with “the absolute truth” some others see, in ways that don’t require either group to abandon that which defines them as people or groups.
Several years ago, when I was living in England, I had developed a friendship with an amazing couple. Ben and Pam were people of character and conviction from anyone’s point of view. They were also incredibly kind, caring and open to people not different from them. They were profoundly “human” in all the right ways of thinking about that word.
I was young, cocky, and sure that I knew how the world ought to work. I wouldn’t have called my clasped views absolute truths, but I had a lot of opinions masquerading as absolutes that I spouted way too often and way too loudly.
One day, Ben and I were walking down a residential street when I noticed something I thought ridiculous. On the side of the street, but still ON the street, a guy was mixing concrete–not in a wheelbarrow, not in a small mixer, but right on the street. He had a large bucket of water, some aggregate and some concrete mix, and he was using a shovel to mix them together.
I was aghast–I thought England was a modern, civilized country. Hadn’t they heard of cement MIXERS? I mocked what I was watching in my comments to Ben. He endured my stupidity only briefly. Then he taught me one of the great lessons of life–one I’ve tried to live by–not always successfully, but far more than if I’d never been called up short.
He said, “When you’re a little more mature, a little less confident in your own absolute views and a little gentler in your approach to others, you’ll realize that life falls into THREE not TWO categories.”
And then he taught me the categories: Right, wrong and different. He explained, “And most of what you’ll encounter in life is just different.”
We believe that the world is speeding up its pivot into a world governed by the idea of “With”–talk with, work with, walk with, build with. And, in that pivot, there is concern that to be “with” something, you must fully abandon what you believe and/or stubbornly defend it. Is there a third alternative?
We believe there is. We can talk with people honestly and kindly even when we disagree, especially if we prepare to see each other’s points of view as not always being “right” or “wrong” but just different.
Like the worker on the street in England, we can “work with” others who don’t use the exact approach we would–because approaches aren’t always simply right or wrong (although sometimes they are). Many times, they’re just different. We can consider different ways of working for where we work, when we work, as well as how we work.
We can walk with people different from us if we search for what’s different, with an eye to understanding and appreciating rather than judging, fighting and discarding.
If right is my way and wrong is your way, then nothing moves forward–we descend into conflict. But if there is no right or wrong, and everything “depends” then we descend into chaos. Conflict and chaos are far too common today. Let’s look for reasons to be “with” each other as much as we seem to want reasons to be “against” each other.
It’s a new century. A new and developing world. For the first time in history, people have access through travel, media, technology, and the opportunity to engage with the entire world, almost at will. And what they’re finding, if they’re looking for it, is how much is different–wonderfully different–and what amazing opportunities exist when we can explore those differences “with” each other.
