It’s not unusual, whether we’re talking about personal fitness or professional success, to discuss the role habits–regularly repeated activities–have on both important activities. As a general rule, we divide habits into two discrete categories — good and bad.
I’d like to look at good and bad habits through a different lens where we define them not solely in their direct effect on things like health or performance or in their moral frameworks of what makes one habit good or another bad. I’d like to look at habits in energy.
Two years of Teams, Zoom and WebEx calls have, for many of us, drained us of energy. It’s not just the random times they happen, especially in global enterprises, nor that things that used to get handled in five minute “hall conversations” now have to be booked, coordinated and conducted as 30, 45 or even 60 minute meetings. It’s the fact that something is missing–a personal connection. And, that lack of personal connection has been for me and my friends and colleagues, an energy drain.
There is a lot of science around the idea that we are creatures of energy and that we can create energy and lose it; energize others and drain them; and need to re-fill. Energy exists in many forms, but I prefer the standard framework–mental, physical, social, emotional and spiritual–just like the traditional “constructs” of a life.
Bad habits are habits that “cost us” or “drain” energy. Good habits create or “restore” energy. When a teenager stays until 3 am online gaming with friends we shouldn’t be surprised that when we get them up for school they are exhausted (low on physical energy), irritable (low on emotional energy), not wanting to talk or engage with us or other family members (low on social energy), etc.
When a teenager or anyone gets a decent night’s sleep, their physical, emotional, social and other energies are noticeably higher and more available for the tasks at hand and the day ahead. Getting a good night’s sleep (which is becoming more and more difficult for many of us) is a good habit. Now I know it’s not always possible to get good sleep, but sleep experts are constantly giving us suggestions and resources to help support this habit as much as possible. No screens late at night, get into as much of a routine as possible, take a warm bath or have a warm, non-caffeinated or alcoholic beverage, etc.
Holding on to a grudge–whether felt or actually caused–is our right. But it may be an energy drain. Persisting in unresolved anger or frustration can become a habit. And this is a habit that clearly drains emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical energy. Forgiving or resolving as much of the source of the grudge as possible shows itself in an improvement in various types of energy.
Doing harm to another person, even through non-physical means like gossip, unwarranted criticism or simply just choosing to be mean, is not only morally and humanly wrong, it is an energy drain. Ask for forgiveness. Do what you can to clean up the mess you’ve made and see if your energy doesn’t improve. It’s the old idea of “getting it off your chest”–through heart-felt apology and genuine attempts to repair and restore that allow positive energy flow to replace negative energy drain.
As we move through the day, we interact with so many people, directly or indirectly, personally, professionally or just standing next to them on the metro or crossing the street next to them. Everyone, one of these interpersonal moments is an opportunity for building and sharing positive energy. Waiting your turn, saying thank you, being grateful for a project completed on time, for a comment shared that solved a problem we couldn’t crack, caring for the homeless, taking a moment to comfort a child whose ice cream just fell off the cone (and, with their parent’s permission buying a replacement) are all simple examples of building energy WITH each other.
Pushing and shoving our way through a crowd, criticizing the few things wrong rather than the many things right with a project, ignoring the homeless, not worrying about the scrapes and falls and lost ice cream moments in life drain our own energy, especially our social, emotional and spiritual energy we share. And, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity and others of the blessing of taking the time to energize each other, especially in a world that for the last few years has been too much about isolation, loss, fear and exhaustion. This is a time, if there ever was a time, when sharing positive energy was really, really needed.
