Email has become one of the most divisive and sometimes disruptive means to harm a “with” based relationship. According to the Guardian newspaper in the UK, the average worker sends approximately 40 emails and receives over 120 a day. I know people who would kill for a volume that low. I know people whose inbox fills daily, at rates over 200-300 every day. This has become, to state the obvious, unmanageable.
One of the best ways I know to improve a relationship that is based in “with”, specifically in a practical application of “talk with” and “work with” would be to do my part in reducing the onslaught of emails my friend or associate is receiving–at least from me.
You can find all kinds of guidance, both online and in media, on how to do this. I’ve found two techniques that work and have worked for years. They don’t so much reduce the volume of email but they have the same effect in that they force me to meet certain standards before I send the message and allow the receiver to know what level of urgency and what type of attention to that message, almost instantly upon receipt.
Communication of any kind, including email, can reduce to three components–what do you want me to KNOW (the information part of the message), what do you want me to DO (the action part of the message) and how do you want me to FEEL (the urgency or impact of the message). Reducing my messages to those three components has many relationship benefits.
First, a subject line should focus on one of the three elements of a message and emphasize that element. If you are just conveying information that I need to take no action on, then tell me that in the subject line, maybe with a subject line that reads something like “FYI” or “information only”.
If you want me to take an action, don’t clutter the subject line with information terms–go straight to action. “Your Approval on this Required” “Contract to be signed today”, etc.
If you want to add to either the Know/information or Do/action message in the subject line, you can include “feel” terms like “By noon today”, or “One Hour Deadline”. Of course, with all the tools, but especially the “feel” tools don’t become “chicken little” because if you say the sky is falling–and it’s not–you will probably lose the powerful effect of this approach because people will roll over your subject lines thinking “oh yeah, him again, it’s always an emergency”.
Years ago, I taught classes for all new engineers joining General Motors. We conducted those classes at their training facilities in Saginaw, Michigan. It was early days for email and the concept and power of “with” hadn’t come to us yet, but this idea was one I was promoting.
I pointed out that not only can you use the power of “know/do/feel” to improve subject line usefulness, but the message can also benefit. How frustrating is it to read sentences or even paragraphs of an email trying to find what the heck it is about (know), why you’re copying me (what do you want me to do) and is this something I need to worry about (feel)–especially with another couple of hundred emails still waiting in my inbox?
So, help the reader. I taught these engineers how to capture, in very few words, what they wanted the receiver to know, do and feel. What I forgot was that they were engineers–with dazzling, very dominant left-brains (logical/organized).
After the classes, I continued to correspond with some participants. Almost from the first emails I received, I realized they had taken me literally. Their messages had great subject lines, but absolutely no sentences or paragraphs. Just three titles and then bullet points. Know: (bullets), Do: (bullets) and Feel: (bullets). I really thought they’d gone too far. But, after years of slogging through email, maybe not.
The concept of “with”–talk with me, work with me, walk with me, build with me, improves when we make choices and take actions to improve the experience of the persons or groups we want to be “with”. Taking personal responsibility to make their email experience better will strengthen their desire to be with you, whether it’s talking, working, walking or building. Because you attempted to help them make their life and work a little easier.
